The Death Stars Didn't Build Themselves...

...but a combination of military engineers, low-wage contractors, and slave labor did. This is why I appoint Emperor Palpatine, aka Darth Sidious to my cabinet as the Secretary of Labor.

The man has a number of qualifications - he has overthrown a galactic government or two, he turns the hearts of men on a daily basis, and he can SHOOT LIGHTNING FROM HIS EFFING FINGERS - but his experience in labor administration and organization is often overlooked.

Some years ago, or some time in the future (whatever), the Emperor's efficient implementation of the New Order allowed for the construction of some of the most impressive engineering feats ever produced, specifically the Imperial Fleet of Star Destroyers and two, yes TWO Death Stars. Maybe you've heard of them. How exactly did he do it? Well, a monopoly on everything everywhere is a helpful asset, and the ability to inflict horrifying torment and death on a whim is always a helpful way to motivate your workforce. But these things alone do not a world-destroying-mass-of-metal-and-lasers make. For that, you need Imperial Decree A-SL-4557.607.232. And what is that, you ask? Well for those of you who are too lazy to read the two lines I've linked to you, it's the galactic legalization of slavery for basically all non-humans.

Now I know what you are all thinking: "Isn't the institution of slavery completely repugnant and amoral?" Well, the answer is yes, BUT SLAVE LABOR IS EVEN BETTER. Personally, I can't think of a better way to cut costs. Even theft typically has a higher overhead, especially with the Thieves' Guild* now demanding medical and dental benefits. When you're paying a stale loaf of bread and four hours of sleep for every 20 hour shift, you're slashing labor costs like a Cat-o-Nine-Tails against soft, tender backmeat. And talk about results! Here's a list of just a few of the things slave labor has built:

All empires ever
Nike
America (Yes, the North, too. Like no one in New England bought rice, cotton, tobacco, corn, oranges, or soybeans before 1865. Cracker, please.)
The modern diamond industry
Harvard, probably

Now, I know what you're thinking. "But doesn't this make Emperor Palpatine a horrible racist, and taint your cabinet with supremecist sentiment?" Well, the answer to that question is a resounding "no." Any self-respecting student of the Sith would know that the Dark Side's tenants lie squarely in xenological culture, so racism is not only hypocritical, but counterproductive to honing one's dark Jedi skills. Imperial Decree A-SL-4557.607.232 wasn't motivated by hatred, but by labor demand! And granted, it may have had some adverse effects on race relations, but really, who's gonna run the show? Mon Calamari? That would be like having a Wookie accountant. (Man, the Galactic Civil Liberties Union is going to be on my ass about that one.)

And for all you readers who thought I would leave Star Wars out of the Cabinet: I find your lack of faith disturbing.

/nerdturnoff

* - I couldn't find "Thieves' Guild" on the Wookiepedia, but I'm assuming there is a thieves' guild in the Star Wars universe since there's one in every other fantasy universe of all time ever in history starring Viggo Mortensen.