A joke is a very serious thing.

And now we come down to the last one, and I know what you're all thinking. "Oh, what stupid video game/cartoon/B movie character are you going to choose this time?" Well, smartass, it's a real person this time. I am appointing Winston Churchill as my Secretary of State.

Although, I will admit, Winston Churchill isn't much of a real person. I mean look at him. Did someone distill my preconceptions of 1930's England down into a living, breathing person? Apparently so - and he was even elected Prime Minister. So yeah, I'm thinking he's kind of a made-up person. I mean if world leaders were stereotypical caricatures of the countries they represent, then any asshole in the world could be the next President. But on the other hand, Churchill did completely bitch FDR, and that's good enough for me.

For real though, Churchill's fame/wisdom seems somewhat overinflated and fictitious to me. He's perhaps the single most often quoted individual in the English-speaking world, and I always wondered why, since none of his quotes ever made any sense. Examples:

"A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on." Yeah, I guess.
"When the war of the giants is over the wars of the pygmies will begin. " Um...k.
"I always avoid prophesying beforehand, because it is a much better policy to prophesy after the event has already taken place." But that-
"Meeting Franklin Roosevelt was like opening your first bottle of champagne; knowing him was like drinking it. "...gross.
"India is a geographical term. It is no more a united nation than the Equator. " Oh snap! Take it easy, WC. You can't just say that. You know they have the internet there now, right?
"Although personally I am quite content with existing explosives, I feel we must not stand in the path of improvement." WHAT!? Where did THAT come from? Well, I do enjoy explosions.
"The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter." Hahaha, touche, Mr. Churchill. Touche. What ever happened to aristocracy, anyway?
"Politics are very much like war. We may even have to use poison gas at times." Explosives AND chemical weapons!? Mr. Churchill, I think we have a LOT in common.
"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." OMG! That's what I said!
"When you have to kill a man, it costs nothing to be polite." Holy damn! What a delightfully insane thing to say. You, my good man, have the job. Feel free to represent me in any matter.

And that's pretty much how I came to this decision.