As you've probably reasoned from my lack of activity, I'm having a severe case of Awesome Block. It's like writer's block, but it's reserved for people who don't go to Starbucks. Anyway, as the name of the disease implies, something is effectively blocking my awesome, which is preventing me from making my last few cabinet appointments and getting on to the next project I've got lined up.
So, I'm asking for your help. That's right, groundlings, I need your input to round out my esteemed panel of closest advisors. The remaining positions include:
Secretary of the Treasury
Secretary of Commerce (now a subsidiary of the above, I believe)
Secretary of Labor
Secretary of Veteran's Affairs
You'll notice that I've left out Secretary of State. This is because I'm already eying someone who, for the sake of comedy, will probably need to be announced last. So, if you have any ideas, post them in the comment section to this post, along with a brief description of their qualifications. Disagreements with others (or myself) should be settled with battle axes. Close questions may be decided by an old-fashioned vote-off. (Yes, vote-off. NOT an election. The difference being that someone will win in the former.)
Don't be disappointed when I shoot down your stupid ideas. I've trained you better than that.
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Treasury and/or Commerce: Scrooge McDuck
ReplyDeleteQualifications:
-Richest Duck in the world
-shrewd but honest
-Robber Baron
-"I made it by being tougher than the toughies and smarter than the smarties! And I made it square!"
-"Work smarter, not harder."
-multilingual
-knows Capitalism backwards and forwards
-swims in his own money
Veterans Affairs:
ReplyDeleteJohn Rambo
Qualifications:
- Single-handedly (and often bare- as well), murdered well over 1,000 highly-trained military officers, clandestine operatives, and guerillas, in less than 8 hours, and 4 (I think it was 4) films.
- He wears a headband and sweats profusely.
- He is ALWAYS heavily armed.
- He is effing Rambo!
Actually, the department of commerce is still its own cabinet level department:
ReplyDeletehttp://www.whitehouse.gov/administration/cabinet/
Damn DRoq...do I have to do all your research for you?
Also, I nominate Matthew Lesko for Secretary of Treasury.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Matthew_Lesko
Qualifications:
-Wears a cool suit
-Helps people get free money from the government
-"I get stuff for free and I sell it for as much as I can get."
-Would demolish Scrooge McDuck in a knife fight or rock paper scissors competition
Secretary of Commerce nomination: Number 2
ReplyDeletehttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Number_2_(Austin_Powers)
Qualifications:
-Built the worlds greatest evil enterprise (Virtucon)
-Generally rational and level headed
-Exemplifies capitalism:
"I spent the last 30 years of my life turning this two-bit evil empire into a world class multi-national corporation. I was going to have a cover story with Forbes. But you, like an idiot, want to take over the world. And you don't even realize that there is no world anymore! It's only corporations!"
As much as I love Mr. Lesko, I'm not so sure he would best Scrooge McDuck in combat. The old Scot is quite scrappy. Plus, did you play Ducktales for the NES? Numerous apes, snakes, skeletons, and mummies, having been nothing short of impaled into the ground, would beg to differ with you. That cane should be registered as a lethal weapon.
ReplyDeleteI smell a voteoff coming.
ReplyDeleteAs for the Dept of Commerce...I know it's a separate department. I was merely commenting on how the Treasury has been buying up everything.
Clearly sarcasm is lost on me. Now I just look like an ass.
ReplyDeleteAs for Scrooge McDuck, here are my arguments against him. All of these are facts verifiable on wikipedia.
-He's 132 years old...way past his prime and could die at any moment
-Has no formal education. Isn't there a requirement to hold at least a high school diploma for a job like secretary of Treasury?
-Applied for assistance from the TARP program in 2008 which demonstrates that he has made bad financial management decisions
By comparison, Matthew Lesko is a sprightly 66, has an MBA, and has no public record of money mis-management. Plus he lives and works in Washington, and understands the way things work.
Holy crap Pascal as soon as I read the remaining posts I immediately started thinking "Scrooge McDuck! Scrooge McDuck!" Swimming in money FTW.
ReplyDeleteDerek, you must at some point produce a group photo of this cabinet.
At first I thought Ben was talking about Matthew Shepard, and I was like ...DAMN.
ReplyDeleteBut then I realized he was talking about the FREE! guy and I'm officially on his side. It's a little too easy for such a D-Blog, though.