HHS

Appointed Secretary of Health and Human Services: The Predator.



From the jungles of South America to the streets of Los Angeles, The Predator has served the health interests of (read: "tore spine from") literally thousands of individuals. While his political career got off to something of a false start after his losing campaign he fought against now-governor Arnold Schwarzenegger in Colombia (or Bolivia. Whatever.), he has nonetheless perservered in true American style, taking his agenda to central Los Angeles, where he worked closely to reform the city's drug-ridden urban communities...to death.

The Predator will be bringing a rather radical approach to the Department of Health and Human Services. Our public health care system is a bloated, inefficient, fraud-riddled behemoth with an absolutely astronomical cost-to-benefit ratio. Every day we shell out millions in taxpayer dollars to individuals who are medically hopeless, walking liabilities. No more.

During my administration, the Predator will address Medicare and Medicaid's efficiency issues by trimming the fat. Literally. Mr. Predator will be on the ground every day, working hard to reform our broken system by stalking, murdering, and flaying hundreds of unfit and parasitic citizens a day, which will of course eliminate any need for the government to pay their way ever again.

I recognize that many individuals are concerned about the Predator's stance on abortion, where he occupies what is undoubtedly the minority position: the Predator is not pro-choice or pro-life, but decidedly pro-death. Some see this as a flaw. But I see it as exactly the kind of mold-shattering iconoclastic thinking that this country needs.