Roll Out!

It should surprise no one that I've appointed Optimus Prime as Secretary of Transportation.

Qualifications: Spends much of his time as a motor vehicle. (Note: from the looks of it, this may also be true of Ray LaHood.) More specifically, Prime spends much of his time as a semi rig - the vehicle that forms the logistical backbone of this country. Sure he and the Autobots may symbolize our consumption of 24% of the world's oil, but they also symbolize the 28% of the global GDP we make by burning said oil. As a walking/rolling ode to American muscle and machinery, don't expect Prime to pursue a green fleet...or do. I'm not quite sure whether energon leaves a "carbon footprint", or, as I call it, "made-up fakeness."

Also, for those of you thinking that the DOT is a minor department, and that the Secretary is a minor official, and while that may have been true in the past, it stops now. Optimus Prime has been a role model and a leader in my own life. Throughout my childhood he bestowed the wisdom of ages upon me every Saturday morning at 9:30. There is no doubt that Prime is one of the preeminent minds of contemporary Western thought, and his contributions to philosophy cannot be overstated. I would like to share with you a few of his teachings that I find as timeless as they are inexhaustible:

"There is a fine line between being a hero and becoming a memory."
"We can't ignore danger. We must conquer it."
"Freedom is the right of all sentient beings."

Also, note that I didn't include an image of the Michael Bay CGI prime. I've chosen this image for two reasons: 1) I'm old school like that and 2) this one has much more gun. I hear my more liberal colleagues right now - "We don't want cartoons promoting gun violence!" "We hate the constitution!" "Organic couscous!" Well, you can all eat one. Every Obama cultist who has ever visited a shooting range has come back with a SEVERE case of gun fever. So don't even contend this point. Hypocrites.